Being short sucks

One of the perks of being married to the boys basketball coach is that I get to teach all of the freshmen basketball players.  It's always loads of fun because they all want to impress coach's wife.  Of course they're mischievous but once I threaten to tell Coach they straighten right on up.  They also like to crack on each other quite often which is pretty hilarious.  They don't hold back either.

Me:  "I'll read this passage because some of the language is difficult and I don't want you to get discouraged or frustrated and not want to read.  Now, I'm not going stop you from reading if you want to try it, but it is difficult."
Very short basketball player: "Mrs. Scott, I'll try to read it."
Me:  "Ok, great! Go for it!"
*VSBP reads through the passage beautifully*
Me: "Very good!  You read that passage like it was nothing! Good job!"
Teammate (whispering to VSBP):  "Man, the words in that passage are bigger than you are."
VSBP:  "Uh, Mrs. Scott, I think we need to have a class talk on bullying because Teammate is talking about me."
Me:  "What'd he say?"
VSBP:  "He said that the words were bigger than I was."
Me: *falls out laughing*
VSBP: *stares in disbelief*
Me:  "Oh, my bad...  You didn't think that was funny?"

He eventually laughed and we moved on.

Something fun that I enjoy doing is scaring the new teachers a little with how I talk to my kids.  New teachers are fresh out of school with their lofty ideals and textbook discipline plans and they often get burned out because that stuff doesn't work and they can't adjust.  I'm not knocking new teachers.  I was a new teacher once.  I'm just saying... Never mind.  It really doesn't matter.  If you're a teacher, you know what I'm talking about.  Anyway, a kid came over to the teacher table during lunch which is a no no unless you're dying.
Kid (rocking and fidgeting the whole time):  "Mrs. Scott, I drank a lot of milk and now I gotta lot of energy and I can't control it.  I need some more milk though.  Can you buy me another milk?"
Me: "What?!"
Kid (still fidgeting): "I need some more milk.  I got too much energy."
Me:  "Boy, if you don't get out my face and go sit at your table!  You are not about to worry me today.  Go on now!"
New teacher: *wide eyes staring in astonishment*
Me:  "Girl, sometimes you have to talk rough to these kids for them to get it."

All that take them in the hall and conference with them privately for 30 minutes  to discuss what they did wrong and what they need to do to fix it just doesn't work.  I wish I would stop my instruction to deal with you because you're acting out.  Child...  I don't have time.

Have any of y'all seen my teacher body?  It hasn't come in yet and I was wondering if y'all had seen it.  I'm pooped!  There's no tired like beginning of school year tired.  The struggle is real for real.