Saturday, January 14, 2012

Friday the 13th

Do I really need to say more?  Of course I do!

My Friday the 13th started off rather normal and slow, so I thought I was in the clear.  Well, my fifth period class saw things a little different.  I guess their parents figured since it was Friday their children didn't need to take their medications.  How do I know they didn't take their medications?  Because they were all over the place!!!  It started with one kid saying something stupid and it all went downhill from there.

Sentence:  My uncles came to visit.
Student interpretation:  "My un-cles... wait, what? What is un-cles?!"
Me: "The word is uncles. You know like aunt and uncles."
Kid:  "I deserve several stupid slaps for that.  You're going to blog about this aren't you?"
Me:  "Yes."

Next, there was comedy time:
What do you call a computer that can't sing?  A-dell.  (for those of you who are lost, Adele is a singer)

Then there was Twitter time:
Kid 1: "Man, Twitter getting lame now."
Kid 2: "That's cuz you're on there ALL THE TIME!"
Kid 1: "No I'm not!"
Me: "Uh, yes you are. Every time I get on there, I have 50 gajillion tweets all from you. Then you tweet about stupid stuff, 'My toe itches,' 'I'm sleepy,' 'My hair grew a milliliter.'"
Kid 3: "Yeah, and you change your profile picture every 10 minutes.  The one you got up now is funny. *proceeds to imitate pose*
Kid 1: "Shut up! No I don't! Mrs. Scott do you follow Billy? His Twitter name is..."
Kid 3 *jumps up and puts his hand over her mouth.*
Kid 4: "You better quit before you get charged with rape."
Me: "What?!"
Kid 3: "Man, this ain't no white woman.  The most I can get for this is 3-5.  If it was a white woman I'd get 10-20"
Me: *palm to forehead* "What?! You know what, we don't get to talk anymore.  Let's just go to the bathroom."

I mean, where do they learn this from?  Sometimes I want to just go to their houses and observe.  But then, I remember the foolishness that comes out of my kids' mouths and I change my mind. 

My kids are so obsessed with when I'm going to have a baby.  They ask me frequently if I want kids, when am I going to have one, etc. 
Kid: "Mrs. Scott, I want you to have a baby.  Do you want kids?"
Me: "Yes, one day."
Kid: "Does Coach Scott want kids?"
Me: "Yes, he does."
Kid: "Well are y'all even trying to have kids?! Never mind. That was inappropriate, huh?"
Me: "Yup."

"Mrs. Scott, I got smarty-er during Christmas break!"

One of my Facebook friends asked her students to write a paragraph about what teachers do when they go home.  Here's what one kid said:


We obviously die.  What a sad existence...

Monday, January 9, 2012

Parent-Teacher Conference Day

Today was PTC Day.  *cue exciting music*  I knew which parents I was going to see today, so I mentally prepared myself all last week for them.  There were 2 parents in particular that I really prepared for because, well, they're "those" type of parents.  One parent insulted my intelligence and ability on Meet the Teacher Day and the other always makes excuses for her child.  On Meet the Teacher Day, arrogant parent asked if I was an honors quality teacher and what qualified me to teach honors.  I answered him and then asked him if his child was an honors quality student and what qualified her to be in my honors class.  He couldn't answer me and sadly his child has shown me that she is not honors material.  She's irresponsible and immature.  She's a decent kid, just not ready for honors yet.  So anyway, her dad comes in with his same arrogant ways, looking down his nose at me and what not.  We talked and I explained to him what was going on with the kid and showed him her grades.  Silence.  He thought for a second then came up with his "let me turn this around on you" question.  He asked me how I personally felt about his child.  In other words, this wouldn't be happening if you didn't have something personal against my child.  I told him exactly how I felt.  I said she was irresponsible and immature.  She's not a behavior problem and a fairly good kid.  He didn't like my answer so he left.  An hour or so later they were back.  Why?  Because the kid left her purse.  Can you say point proven?

The next parent I expected to see was making excuses mom.  This mom is always making excuses for her child as to why he can't pass or why he's getting in trouble.  She's combative and confrontational, but I was ready.  I pulled out the grade book and explained to her all the good things he's done then moved to the bad.  I got her to let her guard down.  She asked me the typical "what are you doing to help my child" questions and when she saw that I had done all she wanted she broke down and took the blame.  She tried to make excuses saying he had a learning disability and she took him off his medicine.  I asked what was the disability and she said slow learner.  Uh, that's not a specific disability.  Nobody's IEP says "slow learner."  I think she's going to pull him out of regular school and try something else.  He's not going to pass my class this year and he's already behind (this is his 2nd year in English I).  We'll see how this goes.

Usually on PTC Days you gain a better understanding of what's wrong with your kids.  I didn't fully understand the whole "apple doesn't fall too far from the tree" thing until I started teaching.  One particular student of mine doesn't listen and follow directions well.  His dad came by today and asked me the same questions twice, left, and came back to ask the same questions again.  I was like dang! That's why your kids does that.  A mom came by and rambled on and on about stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with anything.  I sat and listened, interjecting every now and then.  At the end she said several times, "I like her."  Her kid does the same thing.  He gets picked on so he's looking for acceptance.  Apparently she is too.  They're both high strung people too.  It's always funny to see where kids get their quirks from.

As with any PTC day you have those parents who are just downright funny.  There is a particular man and his wife who always come see me when they're at the school.  I taught their son twice so I guess they took a liking to me.  Ha! Anyhoo, they always ask about my family and how things are going.  Today was no different. They didn't know that my sexy granny had died and they offered some sweet words of encouragement.  I was almost in tears until the dad said this:  "You know we as Christians (pronounced christy ans) don't have to worry about death.  I was like "Christy ans" What? I couldn't even get my tears out.  SMH

One of the great things about being a teacher is being able to do more than teach.  Kids look to teachers to be more than a teacher.  They look for a friend, a confidant, a counselor, a safe place.  When my granny died my kids were so sweet.  They gave me hugs, encouragement, cards, everything.  Well, one of my student's granny died last week.  Her mom texted me asking if I'd see about her because she was really struggling with the death.  At first I was considering not doing it because I was still not 100% ok with my granny's death.  How am I going to console somebody else when I cry thinking about Granny?  Then I remembered how my kids were there for me when I needed them and how they looked to me for comfort and encouragement.  I agreed to help her and I'm glad I did.  She told me that my messages made her smile and that was enough for me.

Friday during our lesson on subject and verb agreement, my 2nd period class was feeling rather musical.  I had them take a little pop quiz to see if they were paying attention on Tuesday.  While going over the answers the following took place:
Me: "What's the subject?"
Class: "Everybody"
Me: "Ok great, what's the verb?"
Class: "Was"
Me: "Great! Everybody was"
Class: "Kung fu fighting!"
Me: *palm to forehead*

How many weeks until spring break? LOL